Dec062009
Two Gifts That Kind of Broke Me
Filed under Living Out Loud by Kim at 3:21 pm on Dec 06 2009
This is yet another last-minute entry for Genie’s Living Out Loud project.This month’s assignment is about gifts.
I used to be a gift-giving machine. A true gift romantic, believing I could always delight the recipient and deriving the utmost pleasure in seeing their smile. I used to get behind an idea and just push it to the limit. Today things with me are very different. I don’t know if it’s because I’m more selfish or because I try to gain some high moral ground against materialism or if I am just more of a pragmatist (or more lazy) than I once was, it could be a million reasons. But it could be because of these two gifts.
Both of these gifts went to the same person – my ne’er do well boyfriend from approximately 1993 to 1997. Let’s call him Glen.
Back then, he was king of the geeks – or rather – president of the Sci-Fi and Fantasy club at Virginia Tech. I was pretty excited, at age 18, to be dating this dude. By pretty excited I mean pathologically obsessed and desperately in love, for the value of love that I understood at age 18. Those who knew me then well… I just hope they forgive me.
The first gift I remember getting him was something I created over an entire summer. Back in the day, there was this little thing called the Amateur Press Association. Where you like, wrote or typed your fiction and had to, dare I mention it, mail it with postage to the other members of your group. Glen was very, very proud of some works of fiction he’d written (in the spirit of, ahem, Robotech) and submitted his work to one of these groups, and had dreams of publication.
Since I pretty much ate up anything he vomited out of his compost-enhanced fertile creative mind, I was all about this. I thought I was dating the next … um… who wrote the Robotech novels? Oh my God, there is no way I can tell this story without embarrassing myself. At any rate, he’d created artwork to go with this. Since I was helping instruct a stained glass class at the time, I decided I would make a stained glass piece based on his brilliant, totally original space robot pilot story. How could he possibly not love me as desperately and wholly as I loved him once he saw this awesome gift that I had sweated over and cut myself on and ignored my charges at summer camp for? How, I ask you?
Oh. It was pretty easy. I don’t remember exactly how the reveal went down, probably because I’ve blocked it out. But I know he pretty much put this (admittedly kind of crooked and sad) piece in a drawer and never really looked at it again. So that was round one.
Not to be deterred, because pretty much nothing but dying or sanity (the former seemed far more likely then) would cure me of this affliction, the next year I went about hand-making a box for Glen to hold his Magic: The Gathering deck in. I know. Stop a moment and contemplate it – it was 1994 or so and CCGs hadn’t taken over the universe. Also, we lived in a giant, unassailable castle of dorkitude. Or rather, the apartment where we also held weekly Blood Bowl matches, but it’s one and the same.
So I went out and found the perfect hardwood box to carefully engrave, restain, refinish, line in velvet, and generally make into exactly the kind of hideous trinket you imagine in the worst high-dork-art style possible. It was a thing of brilliance. It took months and dollars I didn’t have as a poor college student. I put in careful and diligent thought about the many facets of his personality and what he would like.
I think he basically said “my deck barely fits in here”. Or “could it have been in black?” I’m pretty sure what happened at that point was some kind of fugue state that stopped my memory banks from holding things, because it’s all a blank. I’ll just note while I’m at it that this is the same charming gentleman who bought himself an $800 Gundam laserdisc set and explained that because of that he couldn’t afford to get me anything for Christmas that year. Glen 3, Gifts 0.
Now this wasn’t the sudden end of my gift giving. I went on to give boyfriends and girlfriends thoughtful or (eventually, once I was doing better) expensive gifts for many years to come. But I think the seeds of my current situation (the no-gift relationship) may have been sewn right when the paper came off that off-kilter melding of solder and glass. And in case you are wondering, when we broke up the first or second time I stole that puppy right back, and even today it hangs in the window of my home, because I made it and I fucking appreciate that.
Note: This story may sound a little bitter – but deep in my heart I still really do love to give and receive gifts between my friends & family. I’m just better at choosing folks to exchange gifts. 
1 Meganon 06 Dec 2009 at 3:36 pm
Please don’t hate me, but I started laughing (and laughing and laughing) here “I thought I was dating the next … um… who wrote the Robotech novels?” and I didn’t stop until the end.
I’m laughing because I have been this girl, but I don’t have a crafty bone in my body, so you did it so much better than I ever could have done it. Also, I can hear your voice reading this to me as I’m reading it, so yay for a strong voice.
And, finally, holy crap, you MADE stained glass. I didn’t know you could even do that outside of those people who sell stuff at Renaissance Festivals.
Great post.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 6th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Thankfully it’s supposed to be funny.
Oh, but it was not at all funny at the time, believe me!
I made the cheaty copper-foil stained glass. Not like using the actual iron channel stuff. And 90% of the kids at camp’s projects looked way better than mine.
[Reply]
2 Leesaon 06 Dec 2009 at 3:58 pm
I’d love to kick Glenn in the head for being a self-centered, clueless jerk.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 6th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Ah, it’s water under the bridge. He’s probably a different guy now these many years later. If not, you’ll probably have to get in line.
[Reply]
3 Lorion 06 Dec 2009 at 4:20 pm
I forgive you and am much glad you came to your senses. When “Glenn” wasn’t paying rent he went to the store to buy a new computer. The store turned him down for a line of credit – who can’t get a line of credit for a computer?!!. So, he applied for a new credit card and then bought the computer.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 6th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
That sounds pretty much right. And was pretty much around the time I finally rid myself of him forever, if I’m thinking of the same period of time. Unless it was after that.
[Reply]
Lori Reply:
December 7th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I think it was after the second time you got rid of him. FWIW he married and moved to Alabama some years back. I’m guessing he hasn’t changed so there’s probably a line of people wanting to kick him. 😉
[Reply]
4 Lorion 06 Dec 2009 at 4:27 pm
More thoughts on the anti-consumerisim gift giving. (We just got back from a 7 year old’s party! LOL)
Baskets mean no need to gift wrap and can be used for storage. I keep meaning to hit the consignment shops for baskets, bag, scarves, etc… I used a scarf today for the wrapping.
I’ve given cookie dough, cookies and frosting, etc…. Things that the kids can make themselves.
Also who says tea sets need to be “new”. Another great consignment shop gift.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 6th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
I am SUCH a gift wrap recycler. I keep all the bags and tissue paper and anything that anyone gives me. I haven’t had to buy paper in years!
Lately my friends are pushing the “experience” gift, and I like that. Now if I could ever get anyone to gift me their presence at a metal show so I don’t have to go alone.
[Reply]
Jenna S. Reply:
December 7th, 2009 at 10:01 am
I’ll go with you.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 7th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Yay!! I don’t know when the next one is that I want to go to yet but I will let you know.
Kim Reply:
December 7th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I take it back, the Jaxx calendar shows:
Saturday January 16 2010
Korpiklaani*
Tyr*, Swashbuckle*, White Wizard*,
TBA, TBA, Silvanus*
All Ages
$20 in Advance
$25 Day of Show
Doors at 6:00
Show at 6:30
5 Emilyon 06 Dec 2009 at 5:32 pm
For what it’s worth I love your stained glass, and good for you for stealing that sucker right back.
And I think I dated that guy with the $800 Gundam laserdisc collection who suddenly had no money at one time or another, too.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 6th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Thank you.
I think there will always be that guy with the $800 Gundam Laserdisc set, we just learn how to spot him at 50 paces at some point.
[Reply]
6 CSueon 06 Dec 2009 at 5:42 pm
C’mon! Real names or it didn’t happen! ;>
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 6th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
I know YOU know who I’m talking about.
[Reply]
7 … in a Bottle » Blog Archive » Recap of 11th Living Out Loud project: Tis the gift to be simpleon 06 Dec 2009 at 6:23 pm
[…] Two Gifts That Kind of Broke Me I had forgotten about both of these gifts from all those years ago but hearing about them brought […]
8 Beckion 06 Dec 2009 at 6:43 pm
“Let’s call him Glen.” I call him… something else.
That stained glass is awesome!
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 6th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Thank you! And most people call him something else, not to worry. He could be a saint now for all I know.
[Reply]
9 Mpomyon 06 Dec 2009 at 7:26 pm
Agreed! The stained glass is beautiful. And you tell one funny cot-damn story. Sorry for the pain, but that is great stuff.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 6th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Thank you kindly sir. I appreciate the compliment greatly!
[Reply]
10 keavenon 07 Dec 2009 at 7:44 am
Wow.. that stained glass *is* awesome! I’m glad you included a picture of it, cause i was wondering what it looked like from the moment you mentioned it
How could anyone not appreciate something so beautiful?? I’m deeply sorry that your labor of love had to fall on such a calloused heart 
Even as just a friend, I would have hugged you for hours at the receipt of such a gift, and it would hang in my window for the rest of my life!
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 7th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Aww! See now that is more like it. Thank you!!
[Reply]
11 Jenon 07 Dec 2009 at 8:37 am
I love this story, thanks for telling it again. And you know, after hearing the story before and seeing the glass, I still can’t see where it’s supposed to be a ding dang robot. That’s not trying to call you for bad stained-glassery; on the contrary I think the work is beautiful, and richer for having the story. =)
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 7th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Oh, it’s not a robot, it’s the phoenix logo from the fighter-robot-pilot division in his story. I forget the name of it. The Kiram Shai? Something pseudo-japanese.
[Reply]
12 Christineon 07 Dec 2009 at 9:07 am
That stained glass is awesome!!! The one on the left both creeps me out and inspires me in a way that I want to find something like it to hang in the library. I know nothing about Robotek, but it reminds me of an eye with Lovecraft-ian angles – very cool.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 7th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I think the one on the left is supposed to be a bird head or something. It was just something I did to help show the kids the techniques.
[Reply]
13 chibaon 07 Dec 2009 at 10:09 am
Cool story.
I got a friend to make (knit) a sweater for my daughter (who is 7) for xmas this year. Luckily I have a child who will “ooh” and “aah” appropriately when I tell her somebody made it *just for her*.
I like the stained glass. Not easy to do.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 7th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Thank you. If I had done it really well it would have made a real rectangle.
[Reply]
14 Moiraon 07 Dec 2009 at 11:35 am
Oh man. This reminds me of this weird time when a boyfriend was sad he couldn’t afford to get me anything for Christmas, so I gave him money to get me something, and I promised not to spend more than that amount on him. And… he blew the money on cigarettes or weed or whatever.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 8:59 am
AUGH. Ladies, these are the signs to look for.
[Reply]
15 Lydiaon 08 Dec 2009 at 12:09 am
Oh, dear.
Hilarious and lovely.
Of course, my brain immediately filled in “Jack McKinney” for the author of the Robotech novels. I am a sad strange little geek, and I read every single one of them.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Oh, but it turns out according to wikipedia “Jack McKinney” isn’t even a real person! It’s a couple of people. Unsurprising I guess. I read right up until my favorite character died, then I threw the book across the room and never read any more Robotech. I think it was the second book.
[Reply]