Nov092009
On Extroversion
Filed under Self by Kim at 3:13 pm on Nov 09 2009
This weekend I found myself in social situations slightly outside my comfort zone three nights in a row. Friday our good friend Paul was having his birthday party which we were pleased to attend. Saturday our long lost friend Josh was having his birthday outing to the Pirates Tavern. Sunday our friend Brooke was celebrating her imminent return to her homeland, complete with S’mores. These events were lovely, and involved meeting many new people.
Inherent in this experience is this feeling I have that I need to be charming. Which really is the wrong way to go about being charming, but it always happens – right up until the drive to the actual place, I am fine. We get ready to get in the car and I think fondly of my couch, where no one else is. But, something always kicks in. This extrovert person kind of takes over and manages things.
That is such a learned response. (See: My mother locking me out of the house so I’d socialize.) I liken it in my head to being a salesperson. It’s an interesting line, the line between genuine extroversion and studied socialization. I guess the reason I feel that the latter is beneficial in a social situation and almost abhorrent in a sales situation is the motive. I’ve never been a salesperson most likely because I feel like I have a tenuous enough grasp on how to be friendly that muddying the waters with money would be truly scary.
Anyways, I started out the weekend pretty game for whatever. By Sunday I was wondering if I had any gregariousness left in me. But actually, sometimes those strangers can rescue you. Brooke’s rock climbing buddy turned to me after a long lull and said, “so, what’s your go-to story?” and this is exactly the kind of directness I can really get behind. It gets me feeling in a natural social state and not like I’m “trying”. So I told him about being bit by a squirrel.
I try to save the “there’s not enough rum in this” stories for more advanced levels of friendship these days.
1 Mariaon 09 Nov 2009 at 9:26 pm
“What’s your go-to story?” is a GREAT awkwardness-break question, I’ll have to remember that. Now I need to overcome my reluctance to ask questions of other people. :-/ Those all sound pretty much like my experiences with socialization.
Crap, now there’s the motive of hearing good stories which will taint any further efforts to befriend you!
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Kim Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I never really think of myself as a “story” person. Like I know people who are really good at creating a narrative and could tell you a really good story about making a peanut butter sandwich this morning. I am not one of those people. Hence having my go-to story be from 1990.
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2 Beckion 10 Nov 2009 at 9:48 am
I’m glad you were out-going enough to talk to me.
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Kim Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 10:51 am
That worked out really well! I am glad too.
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