Nov092008
The cramming.
Filed under School by Kim at 5:28 pm on Nov 09 2008
I’ve been alternating between studying and being a total lump all day. 1 hour studying, 1 hour being a total lump. See how the unstructured time is doing me no favors? In part it’s that I’m not feeling very organized; I need a sequential approach. I have 2 large units of information to review some of which I know better than others. So I try not to duplicate too much effort and in trying to avoid wasting time studying something I already know, I sometimes shoot myself in the foot.
Once I get through the next week, we are 75% done with exams. I will be relieved. And I will start the enrollment process at Howard County, because criminy, this has been a terrible experience. And Micro is only offered at the Largo campus and that is simply not happening.
Last night we were able to attend a party celebrating the birth of the cheetahmaster. I rallied (with the help of some hard cider) despite not being in a terribly party-oriented mood. It was lovely to see my friends and I had some good talk with both new and old friends. And apparently I was having a Hannah Montana hair day, which I certainly can’t complain about. But I left early-ish and feeling kind of down. I wish I could tell whether I’m experiencing dysthymia or just having a bum day. I tend to blog positive! as a tool to fight that feeling, so the blog becomes less a trackable statistic for my mood to check for trends than just a self-help excercise.
If I think about it, however, I know I’m in a period of poor attitude. I feel like need some success at work and success in class to push through this. Attached to outcomes much? Hrm… the more I examine this, the more confident I am my coping mechanisms are not functioning well! The off hours of being a lump look less like relaxation under this scrutiny and more like mind-numbing escape. Ouch.
Day 9 of National Blog Posting Month: apparently a day of reckoning.
1 keenahnon 10 Nov 2008 at 12:44 am
Hrmm, interesting. I get that you don’t want to be attached to outcomes. You see pretty good at analyzing yourself, so all I have to add is, be careful not to let your desire to not be attached become another attachment. It’s like, you’ll never get to Nirvana if you’re attached to getting there, etc. Ouch, my head hurts.
I dig your writing style, I’ll be checking back :D. Looking forward to your next 21 posts and beyond.
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2 Kimon 10 Nov 2008 at 10:47 am
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I really appreciate it.
I think I was just castigating myself for needing to get a grade or have someone pat me on the back in order to be happy. Not that this (castigation) is the best plan of action.
I am definitely caught in a tangle of attachments.
I look forward to hearing more from you and will check out your site!
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