Apr032010
Esprit de Corps
Filed under Living Out Loud by Kim at 9:32 am on Apr 03 2010
Writing this entry is forcing me even further down a path I started last month, which is framing my recent fight for space in my house as a fight between my teenage self and my today self, the new self that is about to go through a lot of change.
Despite what I am about to show you here, the new self is winning, I promise.
I was a superstitious kid. I had lucky “items” coming out my figurative wazoo, as I’ve mentioned. Last month Deborah came over and helped me tear through all sorts of emotionally charged objects. We found my exam-takin’ shirt! I knew it was there, and I knew I would keep it. Of all the vanloads of things we got rid of I knew this was staying. Taking photos of it today, it was a sense-memory overload as I felt the thin fabric, and saw all the fraying edges and holes worn through.
I wore this shirt every time I took an exam I was worried about. From seventh grade to senior year. I have a hard time connecting to this emotion today, but I really felt like without it, I would miss points on those tests. I guess it’s not too far off from the anxious students standing outside the A&P lab practical last year, putting mint oil on their temples hoping it would stimulate their intellectual ability. Whatever works, right?
Of course it’s an Esprit shirt. Every school year my mother would take me to the department store where once she worked nights at the fine jewelry counter busting her ass so I could go to fancy prep schools and we would go straight to those Esprit racks and pick out an outfit so that I could pretend I was ever going to fit in with the rich kids. It didn’t work, but I loved those clothes.
Now that I’m documenting it, it kind of seems silly to keep it. I mean, do I really think I will wear it to the NCLEX next year?
Of course in the box that held the treasured clothing items, there was also the jeans. The very special signed by Crowded House on their US tour jeans. The jeans that the members of Crowded House each touched, while they were on my body, as I stood outside the Boathouse in Norfolk, you know, 6 hours before the doors were even supposed to open. The uh, size 1 jeans I will never be able to wear again in my lifetime but still keep, cause, you know, someday I might have them framed for display.The jeans that feature the burning building design from the Temple of Low Men album cover that I liked so much for so long that I got a tattoo of it.
So I guess there are still some ways that teenage me is winning. I do like continuity. But now that I’ve immortalized the shirt, maybe it’s time to let go.
This is an entry for Genie’s Living Out Loud project.
1 CSueon 03 Apr 2010 at 3:27 pm
Esprit? ??? Why would I not have heard of that brand? :>
I took a bunch of my old clothes and made a partial quilt out of them. I got to keep the non-frayed bits and the memories while getting some more toasty use out of them. It was the closest I could get to chucking them out!
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2 aprilon 03 Apr 2010 at 3:32 pm
I have one of the signatures (Neil’s, or possibly Paul’s) cut out from my jeans and stuck on my bulletin board of sentimentality. All the others maybe washed out over time? I wore those jeans for awhile.
So you don’t have to keep the whole clothing object to keep what it meant to you, is what I mean.
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3 Meganon 04 Apr 2010 at 6:49 am
I get superstitious about jewelry more than clothes. One of the reasons I’ve worn the same thumb ring for so long (22 years!) is because I’m kind of afraid that if I take it off something bad might happen. And that’s – um – kinda crazy.
So I get the exam taking shirt. Hey, we all have our security blankets. They just don’t always look like blankets.
That said, I think it’s great your embracing your big change in all aspects of your life. You’re going to have a grand adventure.
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4 … in a Bottle » Blog Archive » Recap of Living Out Loud volume 15: Prêt-à-porteron 04 Apr 2010 at 7:43 pm
[…] Esprit de Corps There is a part of Kim I will always think of in these clothes. But there are so many outfits now […]
5 Pegon 05 Apr 2010 at 11:34 am
I don’t think I was ever superstitious like that but I think it’s a cool story.
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6 Rachelon 05 Apr 2010 at 3:39 pm
I was almost not “cool enough” for Esprit. Except for a sweatshirt with Esprit scrawled across it. Which wasn’t cool.
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7 Tweets that mention Prosaic Paradise » Esprit de Corps -- Topsy.comon 15 Apr 2010 at 5:17 am
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by snidegrrl. snidegrrl said: My entry for @geniealisa and the Living Out Loud Project: Esprit de Corps https://www.prosaicparadise.com/?p=1106 […]