Mar012009
Living Out Loud II: Body Check
Filed under Living Out Loud,Self by Kim at 10:11 am on Mar 01 2009
For Genie’s latest challenge she asked her readers/fellow bloggers to write up a post about what we love about our bodies. “Oh, what a lark!” I thought. “I won’t be doing that!” I thought. But loyalty got the better of me, so here goes.
I’m not one for spending a bunch of time listing my assets – not physically anyways. I muddle along blending in and looking average. If I want to draw attention to myself, I have to do it with personality, personal style and ornament – like wearing giant black nerd glasses or capri pants with teal leg warmers.
That’s not to say I don’t care about what people think of my appearance. Who gets through living in our culture not caring? Even the folks about whom we might think “whoah, they clearly just don’t give a shit” probably notice us judging and it probably hurts them.
Which brings me to the exercise that finally let me see what it’s like not to care. To only care about what I feel. That exercise being the slow, steady creation of the work of art that is my tattoo sleeve. I, who am so hung up on what people think of me, manage finally to let go in some small way. As soon as I began paying an artist to change my body permanently I was able to see what it was like to “own it” with no apologies.
To give you an idea, I took this picture after rolling out of bed, shaking my hair out, and… nothing else. And I actually like it. I have been following the amazing self-portraits of Qathi Hart lately. And I find them totally awesome and compelling. I am not the photographer she is, but her work inspired me to be able to do this challenge after rolling out of bed.
So there you have it. I love my arm, and my arm helps me love the rest of me. And while I am sitting here feeling extremely uncomfortable about writing any of this because I conditioned myself never to lay claim to beauty, I want to also say that I love my hair. Especially on weekends when I can let it go native and curl and frizz out and just do its thing. Sometimes I can’t get homework done because I keep looking at it. There. I said it.
1 meganon 01 Mar 2009 at 12:06 pm
I love this post. I love that you just snapped the photo ( I tried way too hard for mine with disasterous results.) And your hair is completely awesome (as is the sleeve.)
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
March 1st, 2009 at 5:00 pm
HAHAHAHA JUST SNAPPED THE PHOTO that’s hilarious. There were 100+ other ones that I didn’t post. There was a bit of… distress. But I can’t think about the distress too hard.
Thank you for the compliment. I truly appreciate it.
[Reply]
2 TAOon 01 Mar 2009 at 1:43 pm
I love your sleeve. It’s got great color and a harmony of line I really like.
I always thought there were two categories of people with regards to this topic (holy over generalization, Batman!): Those who love photos being taken of them and can discuss their appearance in a relaxed and open way. Either these people are very confident and comfortable in themselves or in need of a certain type of attention and reassurance.
The second group reserved and dislike images of themselves or talking too much about appearances. I’m thinking this is often because they don’t like themselves a great deal or have reached a place where they just accept what is and find it silly to focus on what’s outward.
The third of the two kinds don’t fit anywhere above.
I’d never be able to do a posting like this and I give you a high marks for just doing it.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
March 1st, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Thank you very much.
I found over the past decade as digital cameras came to prominence that I was going to have to put out my own favorite pictures on the wide internet, because otherwise there would only be the horrid legacy of candid party pictures where I’m shoving food in my face or turned at a weird angle or what have you.
I definitely don’t like many photos of me, but when I do like them I am willing to share.
In another way, I think it is really silly to focus on what’s outward. But the rest of the world does, and I have a really hard time breaking that habit. I can absolutely respect that others don’t want to do it though!
[Reply]
3 dowdyismon 01 Mar 2009 at 2:26 pm
Great post Kim, and the sleeve looks great! I can’t wait to see the finished product. I may have missed it, but have you ever done a post about the design process of your tattoo?
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
March 1st, 2009 at 5:12 pm
I have actually never done a public blog post about the genesis* of the whole tattoo sleeve. I am maybe waiting in a way until it’s done. Unlike everything else I do, I tend to not feel the need to talk about it in public!
*Ha ha, it’s a funny joke actually, because the entire sleeve is comprised of images related to the band Genesis.
[Reply]
4 Angela @ Lost In Splendoron 01 Mar 2009 at 2:41 pm
I know what you mean about tattoos making you feel more like you own your body. I love the one on my upper arm and it really makes me love that arm. I also get LOADS of compliments on it and it isn’t everyday someone as chunktastic as me gets compliments on their big arms. Haha.
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
March 1st, 2009 at 5:13 pm
I’ve found that for feminists and activists, tattoos are a huge source of personal power – I guess that’s not news at all. But actually experiencing it myself still feels very revelatory!
So do you plan to get more? What is your tattoo of?
[Reply]
5 … in a Bottle » Blog Archive » Recap of 2nd Living Out Loug project: our bodies, ourselveson 01 Mar 2009 at 5:48 pm
[…] Living Out Loud II: Body Check As folks have talked to me about this challenge I’ve mentally noted to myself my favorite […]
6 TAOon 02 Mar 2009 at 1:51 pm
Genesis! That explains the lamb. Wow, that’s a cool theme. I’m still working on what my first one is going to look like. At first I thought literal now I’m thinking more impressionistic. Ack! Oh well, it’ll get worked out before I visit the woman I call Dr. Tat-on (in LA we saw a tattoo removal shop called “Dr. Tat-Off” so you can see where that came from).
[Reply]
Kim Reply:
March 2nd, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Yup – the plant you see in my inner elbow is a giant hogweed, and the top part is a city of gold a la Trick of the Tail.
One thing I did a bunch of before getting the tattoo was endless looking at flickr pictures tagged with tattoo, looking at the communities about tattoos on livejournal… it didn’t help me necessarily pick the right words to explain things to my artist but it went a long way in giving me ideas.
I would love to hear more about your idea, but I understand sometimes people want to keep it under wraps until the idea gets really done.
[Reply]
TAO Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Thanks for explaining some more of the sleeve. As I said I think it’s a great concept. Genesis always seemed very lyrically visual and I see that on your arm.
Anyway, at first I thought literal work with that theme but then I realized that I wanted something beautiful and not representational. I think now maybe it should be centered on a fountain pen nib but with some calligraphic elements. I’ve got a great tattoo artist to call upon to do the work so that’s good. But what now? I don’t know. I’m looking on the web for some inspiration. I might also get a friend (you know Leigh’s work from her site) to do something for me. Still feeling things out. I’m looking forward to doing it, though. Dr. Tat-on is in Savannah and that’s a city with positive energy for me (plus it’s a fun place to be). Wow, I’ve gone on too long! Thanks for the post again.
Anyway, my ideas are still kind of foggy. Two of my hobbies are watch collecting and fountain pen collecting so I wanted to work that into it. Hmmm…stodgy hobbies?
[Reply]