Nov052010
Whoah.
Filed under School by Kim at 8:05 pm on Nov 05 2010
I’m alive. I don’t really know what to say, or where to begin.
It was a rough summer. I withdrew from the accelerated program – mental and physical health issues – and by the grace of the nursing faculty, I got right into the traditional 2 year program. I might be considered lucky to have the summer off (other than the few weeks I spent losing my hair and mind and whatever in the accelerated program) but it was not a fun time. But that’s over.
Getting the right medication and half a semester later, and so so many other things, here I am working my little butt off to get through the first semester of nursing school. Jumping hurdles and managing anxiety and learning drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs. I have a new family – my student cohort. I spend more time with them than with anyone else. We share so many feelings, and we are open and sharing with each other about everything, pretty much right away. We all come from vastly different backgrounds – military. Moms. Seasoned waitresses, chefs, ballerinas. We come from here, from California, Africa, Jamaica, and many other places. We’re all desperately afraid we’ll be part of the 15% attrition from Fundamentals to Med Surg. (I don’t know if that is the real attrition rate but it’s not far off.)
So, what about my family from before this? I still try to talk to them regularly. I made time to have lunch with Jen and Pam. I called April and Genie to make sure I don’t lose track of them. I made it to a party or two, even though our instructors told us there wouldn’t be time for that. I worry about Thanksgiving & my parents – shouldn’t I be studying? I just don’t feel like I’m going to know until that day. That’s how I feel about everything right now – one day at a time. The only thing that gets planned in advance is Nursing school stuff.
Oh, and of course I got married, duh. Maybe that deserves its own post?
When I take the time to pick up the Nikon and take some photographs, I really really miss it. But since June that’s maybe gotten 20 minutes of my time.
There are plenty of random thoughts. Like I thought needles were going to be my biggest fear about this job. That could not be further from the truth. I haven’t given a real person an injection yet, but that will probably happen next week, and it is so at the bottom of my list. These days, for the record, they don’t let you practice on each other. At least not at my school. I hate our uniforms. They are all white. I love my psychiatrist who used to work at a famous psych hospital that I wish I could work at someday, but it doesn’t exist anymore. I love my therapist, who was a Hopkins nurse in a previous life, and who understands all the stuff I bring to her. I mean how lucky am I??
I want to apologize to anyone I speak to in person for the next two years and possibly rest of my life. I am just really excited about everything I am learning so if that is all I talk about, I swear I am not trying to show off. I am just full of information that is shooting at me like a fire hose and trying to make sure I remember it. And it’s all I get to think about, other than the times I am emptying my brain by watching crime dramas.
I am stress eating like a mofo. I have gained 10 pounds since school started. Not loving that, but not sure what to do about it either (and “just stop eating so much!” is not really working). My worst fear is getting sick and having to miss a class or clinical session. I have all my shots but I’m just wondering when the inevitable cold is going to take me out.
We have a budget now based on our single income and we are – learning. My husband (still weird) is trying to eat better, so there are 4 tupperware containers of lentil soup hanging out in the fridge.
I got a Kindle and I love it. I LOVE IT. No regrets there budget notwithstanding. Probably deserves its own product endorsement post as well.
I don’t know if I have missed blogging or what. I guess I don’t know what it means to me anymore, though I don’t want to stop journaling, I should be writing down what I am going through. But this summer when I lost my shit I could not be on the internet. Feeling like a massive failure in public was just too much. I think maybe if I blog though I will be less annoying in person.
Here’s to Exam III, Exam IV, Finals, and Acute Care clinicals at “Baltimore Grace”. December 15th is not that far away… and then maybe I will take three full days to clean this house because right now it is a horrible sty.
1 Rachelon 05 Nov 2010 at 8:19 pm
Hey, I’ve kept you on my feeds. Because I still have been wondering how things have been going. Back when I was considering nursing school, I didn’t think I could handle an accelerated program – who really can? In other words, with your known issues, I’m glad you got to slow down a bit.
Can’t wait to hear more. But no NO pressure. And if I need to know, I can ask Genie, right? (We had a few moments at BlogHer that I cherish.)
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2 Meganon 05 Nov 2010 at 8:30 pm
I’m glad you’re so excited about what you’re doing. That’s what it’s all about.
And I’ve missed you, so I’m glad you’re back, even if it’s just for a post every four months.
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Kim Reply:
April 2nd, 2011 at 12:58 pm
How about every… five months? *facepalm*
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3 Leesaon 05 Nov 2010 at 11:37 pm
You can totally talk to me about what you learn. I love that stuff. I don’t usually get grossed out, either!
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4 brion 06 Nov 2010 at 5:00 am
Wait, you got MARRIED? How did I miss that tweet??? 😛 also, congrats.
I’m glad you’re alive. I can’t imagine how busy you must be– or couldn’t until you just told me. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I’ll probably fail miserably.
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Kim Reply:
April 2nd, 2011 at 12:59 pm
You can totally do it. It requires a “fuck it” attitude, so do you think you can manage that?
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5 Lorion 06 Nov 2010 at 7:29 am
Bach Flower Remedies now has an Emotional Eating Support Kit. If I remember to grab that instead it has worked well so far.
Have you tried Rescue Remedy for stress? I think the drops or spray work better than the pastilles.
So safe you can give to cats and infants.
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6 CSueon 06 Nov 2010 at 9:12 am
Sorry we didn’t get to talk last weekend. Oh, and, um, MARRIED?? yay! You and Jack look so happy together, I think it bodes well. :>
By all means, vent about school stress. Venting helps.
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7 PMMDJon 06 Nov 2010 at 12:26 pm
I’m happy that you’re digging it so much! If I had a more readily available car, I’d volunteer lunch, but if nothing else, we can catch up in two years and you can tell me all about it. :}
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Kim Reply:
April 2nd, 2011 at 1:00 pm
I love that my friends are patient. 😀 “see you in two years!” that’s amazing, most people won’t put up with that shit.
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8 gabrielleon 06 Nov 2010 at 1:44 pm
Married!?!?! Yes, that does deserve its own post.
And congrats!
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Kim Reply:
April 2nd, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Thank you, by the way.
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9 paleotheiston 08 Nov 2010 at 8:13 am
Your enthusiasm for what you are doing will carry you through the rough patches. Just knowing that you are on the right track will be a huge help to you when the stress gets really bad. And hey, we all know you’ll be a little scarce for the next couple years. We’ll take what glimpses of you we can get! No pressure!
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10 Jenon 08 Nov 2010 at 8:20 am
If you need any low-key local activities over Thanksgiving, you just let me know. I hope you can work it out with your folks though!
I’m very happy to see you back at the blog. Update when school, and life, allow. =)
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11 Ravenon 08 Nov 2010 at 6:15 pm
I’m glad that you’re finding the program fulfilling, if difficult. Go you for soldiering on through. I’m always up for horrible bodily (dys)function stories.
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12 Cecilyon 10 Nov 2010 at 8:16 pm
I’m glad things are working out. Hopefully I will get to see you before we move to VA, but if not, VA isn’t that far.
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Kim Reply:
April 2nd, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Thanks for pushing on the photo workshop!! That way we will definitely get to spend some time together.
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13 Grayhen Toron 02 Dec 2010 at 2:59 pm
Hi, good to see a posting from you again. I was getting worried! Always good to read your intelligent blogs and please don’t feel a failure.. that’s just the heavy workload/rapid learning program. Change is difficult but the rewards go to those with the courage to make those changes. Been through a similar thing myself this year with new job. You’ll come out the other end triumphant, I’m sure.
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Kim Reply:
April 2nd, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Thank you so much. I hope things are going excellently with your job!
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